You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
