Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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