I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Duck Duck Cougar?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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