He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
