i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
