You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
