i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
