She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
