just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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