so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
