We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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