Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
