The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He? As in you personified your dick?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
