we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
