I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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