I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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