Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
