Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
