So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
