I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
