Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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