He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
