If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this boner is exhausting
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
