Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
