My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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