puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
