I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
