I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nicole vs. Life
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
