yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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