apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize