just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
