I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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