Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize