apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
