her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
