Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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