Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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