I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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