she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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