Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
