My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
