Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
