So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
