If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
