i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
