Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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