he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize