my room smells like sperm. sweet.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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