i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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