whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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