What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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