I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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