Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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