singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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