he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
