i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
