it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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