yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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