you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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