Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize