I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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