happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
