I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
