my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
