i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
