Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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