Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
