I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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