allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
