im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
