I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
