i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
