I hate your face
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
