the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
