So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
