New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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