I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
