he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
