It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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