she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
